Talkin' at the Same Time
(Lou & Peter Berryman, ©2000)
 

You say the two of you've tried to ride a horse apiece around the grounds
And all you've got to show for it's a horseshoe
And that the two of you've nude canoed 'n read in bed 'n flown to Rome
And nothin' drives you nuts the way it used to
Well now the news for you's we've seen between a pair a way to save the day
That neither takes an hour nor a thin dime
Now if the two of you've the urge to merge pizazz 'n jazz 'n razzmatazz
Learn to turn to talkin' at the same time

 
Did j'ever see a brighter lightning
      			
or a louder thunder
				
Rain rain rain all night
				
How 'bout the hail the hail the hail
				
It musta hailed for half an hour

The ground was nearly white

Well all the thunder and the hail	

It really scared the pooches

Scared them through and through         

The dogs were really goin' crazy

They were really goin' nuts

Til sometime after two
     	
 

	     	Raining, it was raining

				Thunder man it thundered

				and it rumbled like a freight train

				Hail and rain and lightning

    	Oh the hail the hail was intermingled

    	with the hard rain

    	 

    	Hail as big as golf balls

    	It was really noisy

    	And the dogs were goin' crazy, those

    	poor dogs freak out in thunderstorms

    	Oh we musta been awake until three
    	
    	
No doubt the two of you've improved a few'v the normal formal ways
To form a phrase to raise the level of your heart to hearts
As when the two of you've clowned around and found your mood renewed
Upon one ending up a sentence that the other starts
But if the two of you've spelled or yelled or rapped or tapped a code
Or signed or whined or made a pun or done a pantomime
Or if the two of you've spoken broken French or chat in Latin
You can learn to turn to talkin' at the same time

 
Well poor Lou Ann, it seems
      			
Lou Ann is in another crisis
				
I hope she's okay
				
Her luck is bad it seems
				
She has a few catastrophes a week

Or more like every day

Now was it Tuesday that she called me

Was it only Tuesday

Could not catch her breath

She said her stove blew up

Her stove blew up and

Nearly burned the house down

She was scared to death
     	
 

	     	Poor Lou Ann, poor Lou Ann

				That Lou Ann is always in a crisis

				If you ask me

				Bad luck, she has bad luck

    	Poor Lou Ann's in crisis

    	Every month or maybe weekly

    	 

    	Tuesday, yes just Tuesday

    	Calling in a panic

    	From her doctor's office downtown

    	Poor Lou Ann

    	Her entire stove blew up, oh my god,

    	She nearly burned the house down
    	


	Frogs all croak together in the noisy bog
	Dogs all know it's best to bark with at least one more dog
	Cows all do their mooing simultaneously
	Ducks don't wait their turn to quack so why oh why should we?

I'm sure the two of you've reclined behind the blinds 'n locked the door before 
To rest or best of all to see some TV
And there the two of you've unwound around the tube a tad and had a 
half carafe of wine to find you're growing hungry
When you decide to call for pizza after laughter at the fridge 
about your jar of moldy chutney and your brown lime
Well if the two of you've the wherewithal to crawl to phones you each 
can reach don'cha turn to talkin' at the same time

 
Hello hello, is this the pizza pit
      			
We'd like a pizza
				
Olives, double cheese
				
And put some pepperoni
				
Pepperoni, definitely pepperoni         

Thin crust, thin crust, please

I think some Pepsi, Diet Pepsi

Either Coke or Pepsi

Coke would be okay

Now wait, now don't hang up

Now don't hang up

I didn't give the street yet

Oh dear, what'd I say
     	
 

	     	Hi, we'd like a pizza

				Double cheese and olives

				No anchovies, pepperoni

				Sausage, no not sausage

    	Well I guess a little sausage maybe

    	And some Pepsi

    	Root beer too, some root beer

    	Either that or Pepsi

    	And a couple sticks of cheese bread

    	Don't hang up

      No don't - oops

    	They hung up, gosh I hope

    	It wasn't something I said